Monday, May 26, 2014

BOOK NOTES: Why Men Marry Bitches - Chapter 4

Please refer to introductory comments and definitions of terms in Chapter 1 Notes


Why Men Deliberately Annoy Women to Figure Out Where They Stand

39)  Relationship Principle 39:  When a woman reacts emotionally, men get three things:  attention, control, and the feeling of importance.

40)  Relationship Principle 40:  When you are easily manipulated, he will assume he doesn't have to give as much in the way of commitment in order to keep you there.

41)  Relationship Principle 41:  The best way to set limits with a guy when he's testing you is by controlling the ebb and flow of your attention.   An emotional reaction is always a reward, even if it's negative attention.

- There's a fine line between testing and disrespect. There is no such thing as a "little bit" of disrespect, because when a man sees that you'll accept a little, it entices him to even greater audacity.  To avoid playing into his hands, you'll have to be a bitch with your actions, not your words.

42)  Relationship Principle 42: Men hear what they see.

- "Sometimes the best way to throw a punch is to take a step back."

43)  Relationship Principle 43:  When a man tries to make you jealous, it rarely has anything to do with his desire for someone else.  When you are upset he gets the reassurance that you care.

-Apply the Hollywood axiom:  "No audience, no show."  If you don't provide a reaction, you won't encourage and reinforce the bad behavior.

-When he's trying to make you jealous, he wants to see who is behind the wheel.

-If you don't react, the button has been permanently disconnected and is no longer fun to push.

44)  Relationship Principle 44: Once you start doing the same thing he was doing, suddenly, the bad behavior will magically disappear.

- If you put the shoe on the other foot, does it mean you were "playing games"?  Absolutely not.  It was his game to begin with.  He dragged you into it.

- He should feel desired.  He should feel valued, appreciated, and adored.  Just not after he behaves badly; otherwise you'll create a monster.

45)  Relationship Principle 45: When a man doesn't call, a bunch of scenarios will typically run through a woman's mind.  Similarly, his imagination will run wild when he doesn't hear from you.

- [When he comes home late] and you aren't even there for his grand entrance, it's no fun anymore.

46)  Relationship Principle 46:  The more relational and calm you remain, the more emotional he will become.

47)  Relationship Principle 47:  To a man, it is totally inappropriate to be emotional when talking about something important.  When you speak calmly, he assumes it's much more important.

- A way to avert a fight is to call him out in one sentence or less.

- Whenever you take the high road, others are quicker to feel low.

- According to one man:  "You want a woman you'll joke around and be your partner in crime.  No guy wants a yes-girl." 

- He's looking to see if you'll be able to stand up for yourself without falling apart. If you can give it right back, he'll see you as a trusted partner.

48)  Relationship Principle 48:  Many men reduce women to a set of givens.  A man relies on the fact that most women are emotional and that he'll be able to push your emotional buttons once he finds out where they are.  When he can't, he'll often crumble and become more vulnerable in the relationship.

- Men assume women simply cannot be analytical. 

- A lot of women don't realize that showing you have a brain and a mind of your own is often the way to win his trust and respect.

49)  Relationship Principle 49:  He is testing to see if you believe in yourself. He wants to know who is at the controls. When you aren't easily shaken he sees "this one can't be manipulated."

Before he becomes your knight in shining armor he wants to know, "Is she even worth defending?"

50)  Relationship Principle 50:  To encourage the right behavior, state what you want, then give him the solution.  Show him how he can be your hero.

[When you need to talk] You will get his immediate attention when you use non-emotional words (which he is completely unprepared for).

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