Monday, May 26, 2014

BOOK NOTES: Why Men Marry Bitches - Chapter 7

Please refer to introductory comments and definitions of terms in Chapter 1 Notes


CHAPTER 7 - FROM "I MIGHT" TO "I DO"

Getting a Ring on the Finger That He's Wrapped Around

 

69)  Relationship Principle 69:  You have a much better chance of getting engaged when a man doesn't feel pressured into it.

 

- The bitch doesn't pout.  She doesn't hint.  She doesn't nag.  For a whole year, there is none of that.  She goes out, has fun, and doesn't tip her hand or discuss commitment.  Why?  Because a year or so later, he is attached.  He is powerfully hooked.  He finds her desirable to be around.  She doesn't represent pressure or an obligation.


70)  Relationship Principle 70:  The bitch won't allow herself to be with a man who is biding his time until something better comes along. 

 

- This directly relates to why men marry bitches.  A bitch has strength of conviction.  As painful as it is, as afraid as she might feel--she will leave if she doesn't get what she wants.  And guess what? That's precisely why she gets what she wants.

- That said, you can't give him an ultimatum.

- You should however, say something like this:
"We've been going out for a year.  I love you and think you are wonderful.  And I accept things as they are.   But I'd like a little bit more from a relationship than what we have right now and this doesn't really seem to be progressing."  (Then, be silent.)


71)  Relationship Principle 71: The bitch does not hint about marriage or ask, "Where is this going?"  Instead, she hints about the removal of herself from the relationship.  The word "marriage" never even comes up.

 

- If he is still not telling you he wants the relationship to move forward, you may want to consider telling him the following:

"We've had a wonderful time.  And I don't regret the time we've spent together.  I think the world of you.  But obviously we want different things, so we need to do the right thing.  I love you and I want you to be happy, I want you to have what you are looking for also.  I think it's time for us to move on."

- Simply emphasize what you want, and then appear strong and mature.  [No crying, guilt trips, or begging.]  If you are calm, it scares a man far more, because then he knows it's not a hormone-driven decision.  You've based it on what he's offering, who he is, and what he has shown you he is willing to contribute.  And you don't intend to settle because you don't see yourself as desperate. This raises your stock.

- To recap: He doesn't get an ultimatum, or pressure. You are mature, open, honest, and nonjudgmental.  You aren't expressing anger.  You've simply said, "You are fun, neat, and cool, and I love you, but before we waste any more of each other's time, we need to get this thing figured out."

- When you are willing to stand on your principles even though it might be painful or it might cost you something, you become the ultimate warrior.

- This is their ultimate dream girl--a feminine woman who is not ruled by emotions and insecurity.

- There is a quiet dignity about certain women.  [HINT:  Be one of those women!]

- Her subdued self-worth and faith in herself is the true essence of what makes her a bitch. 

- "At the end of the day, your character and the willingness to stand by your convictions are all he can really rely on.  He knows that the wrong woman can ruin him emotionally and financially.  When a bitch stands up for what she believes in a decent and honest way, it brings all his emotions to the surface.


72)  Relationship Principle 72:  When you stand up for yourself in a dignified, feminine, and womanly way, you can get anything you want from a man.  When you place a high value on yourself in the right way, so will he. 

 

- Whereas women fall in love in a man's presence, men tend to realize they are in love in a woman's absence.  And sometimes all he needs is a little time to make that realization.

- This is precisely what a bitch brings to a relationship that an insecure "nice girl" does not: a joy of life.  [She'll be happy and live a great life whether she's married or single.]


73)  Relationship Principle 73:  In life, half of the battle has to do with the lens you choose to see yourself through. Your fulfillment hinges on whether you see yourself through a positive lens of a negative one. 

 

- If you don't feel like you are "enough" without a husband, you will not feel like you are enough with a husband.  If you see yourself through a negative lens, you will tell yourself things like, "What's wrong with me? All my friends are married except me."  Being single doesn't make you "less than" any more than marriage is a guarantee for happiness.  If that were the case, half the marriages wouldn't end in divorce.

- A man holds out for a strong, spirited woman who knows who she is.  He doesn't want to feel like he's adopting an orphan or taking in a needy child.

- So don't think about "happy endings," thing about a happy beginning.  And start that today, regardless of your marital status. 

- Men know that if a woman isn't happy with herself, he will become the recipient of her disillusionment and resentment. This is why men are instinctively drawn to a woman who is happy with him or without him.  It's why men marry bitches: A guy will be less likely to worry about losing his freedom to a woman who doesn't appear to need him to make her happy.


74)  Relationship Principle 74:  Men rarely take it as a compliment when you bend over backward or become too agreeable.  Men want to feel special, and when you are too nice he feels ordinary, because he assumes you'd acquiesce and become a yes-person with any man. 

 

- Deep down, men don't find it emotionally fulfilling to be in a relationship that makes him feel as if he's being idolized by an underling.


75)  Relationship Principle 75:  He doesn't marry a woman who puts him on a throne.  He marries a woman who is his equal...that special woman whom he can share all of life's special moments with. 

 

- A man wants to feel like he is your hero.  Men need to feel validated.  He wants to feel that you admire him, look up to him, and that he is the protective one in the relationship.  But he wants that from a self-respecting woman who has a backbone and who first and foremost loves herself. 


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2 comments:

  1. I'm at this part of the dating experience. So far, the book has allowed me to demand respect in a respectful way. It's helped in my personal and professional life. Anyway, i just said this the other day ""We've been going out for a year. I love you and think you are wonderful. And I accept things as they are. But I'd like a little bit more from a relationship than what we have right now and this doesn't really seem to be progressing." (Then, be silent.)" and he avoided things so now ive cut back by 70%. we shall see. at the end of the day, i feel confident that i am standing up for what i want. great book.

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  2. We need to show people that if they leave, life will be difficult, but they need to make a choice. Read More Here

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