Monday, May 26, 2014

BOOK NOTES: Why Men Marry Bitches - Chapter 1

Read This First:


Allow me to begin with a standard disclaimer.  For years, I've seen Sherry Argov's book in stores and have been curious about it.  I've even had friends recommend it, however, the title was so incredibly off-putting to me, I could never bring myself to buy the book or read it for that matter.  However, a couple weeks ago, I saw it lying around in my neighbor's apartment and she insisted I take it home and give it a read, and I'm so glad I did!  What I discovered when I opened the first page, was that the term "bitch" is not meant to be derogatory, nor does it refer to a distasteful or disrespectful woman.  On the contrary, Sherry Argov uses the term to describe a woman who shows respect for herself and respect for others.  (However, "Why Men Marry Upstanding Women" would probably not have become a bestseller.)  So before we delve into each chapter, like good researchers, let's start by defining our terms and our methodology.  According to the author, the axioms outlined in this book are derived from interviews with hundreds of men of all ages, marital status, and walks of life.
  

Definition of Terms:



According to the author, the word "bitch" stands for Babe In Total Control of Herself, and this is probably the best definition of how the term is used in the context of the book.  Argov says "bitch" is used to describe a strong woman who has her own identity and is secure with who she is.  

She is plenty happy giving her man space because she enjoys having hers. She is clear about what she will or will not accept. She'll back away at the slightest whiff of disrespect, and this makes her more exciting to a man, not less. That is the woman he dreams of marrying.  (xvi)

Men observe this. They watch woman act like marriage is the be all and end all and they make a mental note. It only confirms that he's always known: marriage doesn't necessarily mean she's in love with him. Some men feel that the woman is in love with the wedding or what marriage represents. He's just there to fill a position. (xvi-xvii)

Argov goes on to say: 
She's not a bitch because she's having a bad day. She's a bitch because she's a principled person who lives by her values. Standing up for yourself is one part of the equation. Being a stand-up person is the other part.  (168)

CHAPTER 1:  Throwing out the Rulebook

Why a Strong Woman Wins His Heart

 

1)  Relationship Principle 1:  In romance, there's nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is.


- When you are happy, you are sexy.
- The attribute men respect most: a backbone.


2)  Relationship Principle 2:  He marries the woman who won't lay down like linoleum.


3)  Relationship Principal 3:  He doesn't marry a woman who is perfect. He marries a woman who is interesting.


4)  Relationship Principal 4:  When a woman is trying to hard, a man will usually test to see how hard she's willing to work for it.  He'll start throwing relationship Frisbees, just to see how hard she'll run and how high she'll jump.


5)  Relationship Principal 5: Don't believe what anyone tells you about yourself.


6)  Relationship Principal 6:  Men see how you dress, and then make assumptions about your relationship potential.


- According to men:  "It makes a woman more attractive if she's showing less skin. It makes you want to find out what's underneath."

- Once you get him curious and thinking about you, that's when his thoughts turn to the future.


7)  Relationship Principle 7: When a man sees you wearing very revealing clothes, he'll assume you don't have anything else going for you.


- Once he reduces you to one dimension, he'll keep you there.   He'll never take you seriously or think of you as having enough worth for a long-term relationship.  Men want to marry a woman that is the whole package.

- A quality guy won't marry a woman who cheapens herself.

 

8)  Relationship Principle 8:  When he sees you scantily dressed, he is not reminded of how great you look naked.  He immediately thinks of all the other men you've slept with.


9)  Relationship Principle 9: Every guy knows he can find a girl who is simply satisfied with satisfying him.  They are much more turned on by a woman who cares about her own pleasure as well.


- What a quality guy secretly longs for is a lover who is also a best friend.  And an equal partner.

 

10)  Relationship Principle 10:  You can tell how much someone respects you by how much he respects your opinion.  If he doesn't respect your opinion, he won't respect you. 

 

11)  Relationship Principal 11:  It is better to be disliked for being who you are than to be loved for who you are not.



Relationship Myths:

 

Myth 1:  You have to be perfect.

Myth 2:  You have to be his sex toy.

Myth 3:  You have to be whatever he wants you to be.


- Self-respect is a one-punch knockout to a guy.  When you are confident enough to wield your power and you show that you aren't fearful of losing him, he becomes fearful of losing you.

- Pleasing you keeps him engaged in the relationship.



Book Reviews, Notes, Blogs, and much, much more at BeautyLifeandLove.com

No comments:

Post a Comment